


We'll be alright, please try again

by queenairi



Series: Holding out, like you could pull me down (cause I'm drowning for you) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 07:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenairi/pseuds/queenairi
Summary: They stood there in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Ten was waiting patiently, not wanting to force Johnny to say anything before he was ready."Do you even still love me?" Johnny suddenly asked so quietly, that Ten barely caught it."What?" He breathed out, something tightening in his chest.





	We'll be alright, please try again

Ten started walking towards a building, with rushed steps and anxiety flowing through his veins. He stopped at the entrance to take a few deep, calming breaths, and then raised his hand to his lips to take a drag of his cigarette, only to find it burnt out. He sighed and threw the cigarette butt on the floor, purposely ignoring his trembling hands.

"You're here," Jaehyun said flatly, emerging in front of him as soon as he stepped in front of the entrance. Ten took a close look at him. He looked worn out, his eyes lacking the shine they usually had, right dimple appearing slightly from the way he pressed his lips together tightly. Ten knew it was a habit he wasn't even aware of, and that he usually did it when he was upset, or worried. In his mind, he guessed it was a mixture of the two this time.

"Where is he?" Ten asked, already impatient. He didn't want to deal with Jaehyun right now, even though he knew the other had the right to treat him anyway he wanted. After all, he deserved it.

But Jaehyun, as nice as always, just smiled at him tightly and pointed at the back entrance with his head. However, when he turned to start walking in that direction, Jaehyun grabbed his arm causing him to stop.

"If you think about hurting him again, just don't go. Please," he said in a low voice.

Ten wanted to laugh at that. Wanted to laugh at the fact they all saw him as some jerk who goes around and fucks people over without even blinking. As if he wasn't hurting as well. Instead, he just snatched his hand out of Jaehyun's grasp, and left, not even sparing him a look.

He moved passed a group of guys, their loud laughter only making him more nervous. They probably got out of the club to smoke some weed, or something. He heard one of them yelling something to him. Ten shivered, quickening his pace.

In his mind, he knew he would be nervous and scared, and for a good reason, but nothing could compare to the way he felt when he saw a familiar figure hunched over in the dark.

Johnny had his back to the wall, staring into the distance with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Ten struggled to breathe. He stood there for a few heartbeats, trying to calm himself down a little. After realizing that it just wasn't possible, he started moving towards Johnny with careful steps.

Johnny only noticed him when he stopped directly in front of him. The moment their eyes met, Ten felt something break inside of him. He put all of his energy in trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to get out. Johnny just looked at him with a blank expression, and that's what hurt Ten the most. But he knew he couldn't blame him. Johnny already did more than he would in his place, just by wanting to see him.

"Hey," he said, his voice soft. Ten guessed that's not how he wanted to say it, but just couldn't help it, since he himself probably looked pathetic. God, Ten never deserved him.

"Hi," Ten barely managed, trying to smile as naturally as possible. He felt like he did a terrible job.

"I'll get right to the point, since I'm the one who called you," he started talking, and Ten quickly realized he was drunk from the way he slurred a few words. Only then he noticed how unfocused Johnny's gaze actually was. It made sense that he was drunk. He continued speaking after averting his eyes somewhere in front of himself.

"I guess I'm ready to talk If you are. I think we owe that much to each other."

Ten felt another wave of emotions hitting him, seeing the sad look on Johnny's face. He fought against it, forcing himself to be strong.

"Of course I'm ready. But we don't have to talk now if you don't want to. I can see you're drunk, Johnny. This can wait until you're sober, and are sure that you want to talk to me."

Johnny scoffed, turning his eyes to him.

"I'm fine. I'm not that drunk, really. I called you because I was drunk, sure. But now I actually sobered up, and I still want to talk. So don't worry about that."

Ten let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and closed his eyes, bracing himself for what was about to come.

"Okay. So, do I talk, or do you want to? You choose. I don't know which one you'd be more comfortable with."

Ten was pleased with himself for appearing calm, since he didn't want to make it even harder for Johnny by showing how hard this was for him as well. This wasn't about his feelings, after all. That was until Johnny decided to speak again.

"I'm not comfortable with any of this," he said with a humorless laugh.

Ten visibly winced at that, breaking his composure for a second. Johnny noticed it too, since he sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hands.

"I'm sorry. That was too much. I said I was ready to talk, I shouldn't be acting this way."

"No, you should say everything that you mean. You're not supposed to shield me, I don't deserve it," Ten said firmly. He hated the fact that Johnny was still thinking about his feelings, when he should be focusing on his.

They stood there in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Ten was waiting patiently, not wanting to force Johnny to say anything before he was ready.

"Do you even still love me?" Johnny suddenly asked so quietly, that Ten barely caught it.

"What?" he breathed out, something tightening in his chest.

"Well, what am I supposed to think? Why else would you go to someone else when you had me?"

And there it was, Johnny was finally saying what was on his mind, and it was what Ten expected, really. Except for one big part.

"Of course I still love you. And you can't imagine how it makes me feel that you would even ask that," he quickly continued speaking, before Johnny could say anything. "But I deserve it, obviously. So say what you want to me, I'll take it. But just know that I love you, so much. And I always will, no matter how this ends."

Ten felt a little better after saying that, knowing that no matter what happens, Johnny will at least know this.

Johnny just stood there, looking at him for a few seconds. His face seemed emotionless, but Ten knew better. He knew better in a way one would after being with someone for five years, after seeing every emotion on their face countless times, and knowing their every thought before they even think about it. So he knew Johnny was torn, he saw how hurt he was, but also how much he just wanted things to go back to how they used to be.

"I can't just forget about it. I tried, I'm still trying. And I know it was just a kiss. But every time I see him, I just-" he cut himself off, looking away again, and Ten's heart broke for the thousandth time.

"Of course you can't. I know. I wish I could say something else, but I don't know what. You already know how sorry I am. And I really do hope you realize how much I love you," he looked at Johnny pointedly, trying to make sure he believed him.

"I know you're sorry. And I know you love me, I do. But I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't understand it, I don't understand you," Johnny said calmly. Ten could see that his hands were trembling slightly, before Johnny harshly shoved them in his pockets.

"Me neither," he said quietly, averting his eyes to the floor. Somewhere at the back of his head he had a feeling he knew what the reason might be, but was just too afraid to face it. But that wasn't an excuse, and he felt it was a conversation for another time.

Another few minutes passed, neither of them saying anything. Ten was feeling a little more at peace now that Johnny said how he felt. He hated these past few days, when he couldn't even hear his voice, or know how he was feeling.

"I still love you too, you know," Johnny said softly after a while, shocking Ten to the bone.

He felt himself starting to shiver, but it's like he had no control over his own body, so there was no way he could stop. And then he finally broke down, barely holding back a sob.

"I know this is selfish, and you don't have to do it, but I feel like If you don't hug me right now I might fall apart." Ten choked, looking at Johnny with a vulnerable expression.

Johnny didn't even hesitate before pulling him into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on his back. They stayed like that for a while, Ten breathing deeply and slowly calming down, and Johnny holding him in his arms tightly.

"It'll be okay," Johnny whispered after some time, picking at the short hairs at the back of Ten's neck softly.

And Ten let himself be selfish for a moment, allowing himself to believe Johnny's words.


End file.
